First of all I need to inform you all that I do NOT participate in karaoke.
Now that that’s established, last night I karaokeed for the first time. This was not my choice, mind you (and you will mind.)
So, how exactly did I end up participating in karaoke, you ask?
Well, I am a traveling salesman and I have been at a conference in Missouri with some great people from a client organization. I truly mean they are great, but they do have a flaw: karaoke. Apparently when people who don’t know each other very well get together, they do things that would normally embarass them–but that are totally acceptable when you are relatively unknown and under the influence of peer pressure.
During the conference during one of the get-to-know-you games they played, they weaseled out of me that I am a singer. OK I admitted it without any weaseling, but I did NOT know it would come back to bite me in the “le tush on the catwalk.” I mean how was I to know they would use new-found knowledge of my fun musical background against me.
So they urged me and urged me to karaoke and I caved. I thought, “Fine. I will participate to get them off my back. Oh, and they will paaaay for what they’ve done to me.” So I chose to sing one of the only disco songs I know: “Boogie Oogie Oogie” (1976, A Taste of Honey)
I did well, considering I have never tried to sing lead–ever. I say I did well, but I may be wrong; I was on the wrong end of the speakers. Anyway, halfway through the second chorus as I was enjoying an Elvis-like sweatfest and a complete lack of oxygen, I inhaled a giant Missouri-humid breath complete with about 5 tsp of water and a fly in it. Did I mention I do not do karaoke? These are the reasons:
1) I don’t like karaoke.
2) I don’t sing lead.
3) I have a phobia involving strangers, flies, and awful music.
So I shall never, ever again participate in karaoke. I just hope the violent hacking doesn’t hurt my chances of having my clientele buy the product I sell.