#1 Real talk radio commercial:
*bark, bark*
“Pets need love JUST LIKE CHILDREN. Tying a pet up in the yard is damaging to them socially and makes them feel inferior.
“If YOU see a pet tied up in someone’s yard all day with no one to play with, call the humane society. It’s possible that pet needs a better home.”
I don’t remember the exact words, but I promise I did NOT embellish the message which is: “if you love animals more than people, and you are not in a mental institution, tell on your neighbors.”
#2 Taking directions from locals in upstate [name your favorite rural state]:
“Can you direct me to [place X]?”
“Are you familiar with these here hills?”
“No I’m from [name another state].”
“OK. You’ll head down 95 until you cross the river,”
“(easy enough)”
“then count four roads on the right. But don’t take that right.”
*intent staring and nodding* “(here we go….)”
“Take the third left; it’s right after a gigantic pine tree. You can’t miss it.”
“(Oh can’t I?)”
“On the left you’ll see Bill Parker’s farm. You know Bill?”
“No, I’m from….”
“Doesn’t matter, Bills a great guy…got four daugters that if I was 40 years younger…”
*interupts* “So is [place X] by the farm?”
“No you have to keep going on county road JX until you get to the dirt road. Just keep going straight. If you keep going north on county road JX it’ll be on the west side about 6 miles up. But if you miss it and come back heading south, It’ll be out there on the east side.”
“(Did he just say it changes from the west side to the east if you switch directions? I better ask.)So if I travel north it’s on the WEST, bot if I travel south, it’s on the EAST?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you SO MUCH for your help.”
“Have a good day young feller.”
“You too.”
#3 I met a false prophet today, but I’ll have to dedicate a whole separate post to that since this little story is a ‘pearl of great price.’ Stay tuned…WAIT for it!