You know how we joke about people yelling at foreigners in hopes that somehow the words might become more clear? Well, I witnessed it today.
There was an elderly Asian couple in the front of the line to board the airplane today. To set the scene, the gentleman was wearing a ‘Members Only’ jacket and powder-blue denim pants—too short—with geriatric-ish white sneakers and black/blue socks. The kindly-looking woman was sporting a conical, ‘rice-patty’ straw hat and other various articles of clothing that had the ‘I’m retired’ flavor to them—only more Asian looking.
OK, so now envision these poor folks at the front of the boarding gate without their boarding passes.
“YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO SHOW ME A BOARDING PASS!”
[vacant expression]
“A BOARDING PASS, IT’S A PIECE OF PAPER—LOOKS LIKE THIS! [makes rectangle shapes with her thumbs and fore-fingers] I NEED TO SEE IT BEFORE YOU CAN GET ON THE PLANE!”
[vacant expression]
“OK! I’M GOING TO NEED TO HAVE YOU STAND TO THE RIGHT WHILE YOU LOOK FOR THEM SO THE OTHER PASSENGERS CAN BOARD THE PLANE!”
[frantic pocket checking, vacant expressions]
“I’M FROM TEXAS! YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE OF MY HIDEOUS ACCENT AND SPANGLED COLLARS! YES! THAT’S HIS BOARDING PASS, I NEED TO SEE YOURS TOO!”
[more pocket checking, an expression of comprehension, a look back to the other passengers as if to say ‘I’m so sorry’]
“YEE-HAW! GIT A LOAD O’ THIS—I CAN TOUCH MY NOSE TO MY TONGUE! I CAN ALSO SQUARE DANCE! PLEASE SHOW ME YOUR BOARDING PASS!”
And so on and so forth for FIVE MINUTES. NO KIDDING.
I would have thought after a couple of phrases I would have stopped trying to yell, but this woman got louder, and louder, and….