As an animal disliker, I was extremely offended today when I walked into a public school building that had a sticker on the front door that read:
Latex Free School
The following items may not enter these school grounds:
Latex balloons
Condoms
Surgical gloves
Backpacks containing Latex
Latex paint
Or any other item containing latex.
Okay, I guess I messed up my timeline a bit—I was not offended when I saw the sticker; I was offended later. The sticker was just one of the catalysts for my future anger. Which I will tell you about. In the following paragraphs. Right now.
Usually when you see a sign posted on the front door of a school declaring it a latex-free school, it is because a child attending that school has a death-inducing phobia of latex. OR, more likely, they have an allergy to it. Latex-free environments are a concept I can get behind.
So, I enter the school thinking how wonderful it would be to declare my world ‘FREE’ of the many allergens that plague my life. That’s when I saw it—the hound dog. When I entered the front office, there was a grey-brown hound dog wandering in the front office area. I quickly looked around to see if I could determine what the school mascot was, hoping to find the mascot to be the South High Grey-Brown Hound Dogs. I was dismayed to learn they are the panthers.
So one of these “people”—and I use the term loosely—thought it would be a good idea to bring a dog INTO the school. As one who is both A) allergic and B) phobic of our canine friends, I was incensed that they would be so sensitive to someone with a rare allergy yet so insensitive to me who has a completely sensible, normal allergy.
And phobia.
I will never understand you “pet” lover types. Moreover, I will never be one of you pet-lover types. I will be a run-over-your-pet-if-it-is-too-slow-to-get-off-the-road-in-time types, but not the swerve-on-purpose-to-intentionally-kill-your-pet type. In short, I don’t swerve or brake for animals. I just drive. If one of our four-legged friends is in the way, so be it. Chances are it was either A) weak or B) stupid anyway.
Anyway, my point is that I don’t like your mangy animals “duke-ing” all over my yard. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy owning a pet, because I wouldn’t, but to bring an animal into a school?
I remember once while I was in college, I had a class with someone who was training a seeing eye dog. This person always showed up to class late—probably had to take the mutt outside or something—and I could never guess where to sit so I could avoid the dog. One day, the dog trainer person brought the dog in late and meandered my direction looking for a seat. This was during a quiz, so I got up and moved across the room so as to avoid talking during the test.
The teacher asked, “Mr. Ramblings, is there a problem?”
I said, “No.”
“Then why did you move?”
“Because I am allergic to dogs.”
The professor then turned to the other guy, “Mr. Muttly, do you have a permit to bring this dog into the classroom?”
“It’s a seeing eye dog.”
“Not yet, it’s not.”
“But there are many students here at [this college] that train seeing eye dogs.”
“But do you have a permit or any other permissions to bring the dog into my classroom?”
“No, Sir.”
“Then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
OH SWEET VINDICATION! I have never gotten more done with less complaint in my life. Now I have a pattern for running my life: Run from problems and someone else will take care of them. And quit taking your dirty pets into my world.